Vitriol Espresso "I come in peace. I didn't bring artillery. But I'm pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I'll kill you all." General James Mattis

Another EDIT: Asked SS about my problem and was told not to be afraid. Literally. I can work 9 months keeping my benefits before my situation is re-evaluated. And before that I can make $720 or less per month without starting the nine months. So I can get a part time job (if there are any I can do) without triggering a shitstorm. Now I feel dumb. But a vastly relieved dumb. The last thing I want to do is end everything before I even know if I can handle a new situation. END EDIT

EDIT: Big brother knows how to talk me down from this shit. At least I don't feel like I'm staring into the great abyss. I'm looking much too far ahead, I guess, and many of my choices won't even be plausible in an uncertain future. One way or another I'll find a way. I hope. Still lookin for a sugar daddy, though. I don't wanna grow old alone. END EDIT

The future terrifies me. Nothing that goes through my head changes the outcome and I have this cyclical thought that my future is eternally bleak.

I don't know how to stop it.

My choices are:

- Get married to someone who understands me and isn't afraid of my mood swings.
- Go to school and /pray/ someone hires an old disabled hack like me.
- Try a part-time job (really really part time) for a reference later.
- Win the lottery.

I'm determined to get off public assistance, but as of yet I'm not sure how to do that. I need help. ; ;