Vitriol Espresso "I come in peace. I didn't bring artillery. But I'm pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I'll kill you all." General James Mattis

Hahahahahaha. If only, if only. I've decided to go back to school....when I can get a car to get me there. *sigh* The public transport hasn't gotten back with me so there's no guarantee once I get there that I'll get a ride home. That's kind of important when I'm an hour away from home. I will kill my brother if that five hundred bucks isn't available to help me buy a better ride. It's pathetic that I have to keep renting cars to get to doctor appointments and nobody will help me buy a fucking beater.

A honda would be nice. Or an old nissan. You know? Moving is kind of out of the equasion now, I guess. The only apartments I can get have kids living in the complex. Not totally horrible, but when you mix that up with teenagers things get unsavory. My only saving option is a better car to get me to where I want to go and home again without costing me an arm and a leg.

See, here's the story. My little brother bought himself a new car. Which is great, he's a good kid and he deserves it. He gives his still decent old car to dad. And dad gives the old car to me because I said something about needing one. Well, it didn't get to me. It went to my older brother who kept it and drove it and said it was a fun ride. HOWEVER, nobody was willing to fund me getting it back to where /I/ live. So older brother sells the car for $500. My hopes were crushed. Completely. One little straw of sunlight suddenly gets yoinked away. So I hit a depression I haven't hit in years...I was really down. And I guess I still am. Now I get to go visit with these people and hope (there's that word again) that the $500 is still available for me to use.

Hope is a demon. I'm convinced. Hope is fucking black-ass evil. I don't know what to trust anymore. And I think a man could ever be in love with me? Hahahaha...if only, if only. Okay, I don't hate life. I'm scared of death. But there doesn't seem to be a happy in-between, does there?