Vitriol Espresso "I come in peace. I didn't bring artillery. But I'm pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I'll kill you all." General James Mattis

People around here and everywhere else I notice have gone completely apeshit over the swine flu. H1N1 or something like that. Finally I got tired of the speculation and tossing out of random numbers to go and have a closer looksee at what is going on. What I found is a bit amazing, a little frightening, and kinda stupid.

First, let's look at what H1N1 actually means. So many bandy about that little phrase without even knowing what they're talking about. It's scary because it has a couple of ones in it? Please. What this phrase is, is what's called a 'Nomenclature.' They are a designation for the names in which they represent.

H = Hemagglutinin
N = Neuraminidase

These are proteins that are in every influenza A virus. However, they can change over time, or mutate from strain to strain. The number after each letter determines what strain we're talking about.

So ignoring the letters, we get 1 and 1. Which flu strain are those, you might ask? Well, let's have a look at the numbers and what they designate.

Hemagglutinin comes in 16 strains (or subtypes). Each subtype varies slightly from the other and that variation determines what living creature the virus infects. Only H1 through H3 commonly infect humans, but H5, or the bird flu, is known to infect at a very very low rate. [1]

Neuraminidase comes in 9 subtypes. Unlike the above, each number here designates the antibody that each virus neutralizes. Think about it! Viruses with this protein in any designation is designed to completely neutralize the antibodies that will kill it. Neato, huh? Nature kicks balls. Each of these subtypes can be in any particular type of influenza, but when they mix up with a host that matches their strain it can cause a crapton of problems. [2]

Okay, then. What makes H1N1 so damn scary? Why is it different from, say, H2N3? Well, to be totally honest not all strains of H1N1 are particularly deadly. Most of them are the normal flu that anyone gets every so often. The only reason they call it the 'swine flu' is because it has been found infecting pigs. Big whoop. What is scary about H1N1 is that H and N. Even though the strain is 1 (human), slight variations in that 1 (human and how they attack YOU) can cause the virus to be more virulent. To paraphrase Forrest Gump, "H1N1 is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get."

If someone tells you that you've caught the flu it's wise to take precautions, to be sure. But it is completely UNWISE to panic and lock yourself away from assistance. Call your doctor. Do what you would normally do for a flu (drink liquids, stay in bed, chicken soup) and if it gets to the point where you say 'wow, this flu is worse than any other I've ever had' it's time to go to a hospital.

And there you go. Completely demystified. Congrats, you now know more about Influenza A Swine Flu than most newscasters. Go you!


[1] April 2006 Molecule of the Month; RCSB Protein Data Bank
[2] May 2009 Molecule of the Month; RCSB Protein Data Bank